February 22, 2009

The envelope please...

While watching the Oscars tonight (with the requisite glass of champagne in hand), I decided it was time to hear from some of the "stars" of the birding world. Tipsy blogging...hmm, sounds like a good combination to me!

And the award for best supporting bird goes to: The Cattle Egret

"Oh, wow, I cannot believe this! I would like to thank the many water buffalo and cattle who allowed me to eat flies off their backs. What an honor! I'm glad I could keep you, the real stars of the story, tick-free. Sure, I'm sort of pretty. But I realize that I'm sort of a "poopy pastures" bird, while my cousin, the great egret, enjoys ocean views. No problem. This supporting award is everything I could hope for."

And the award for best costume goes to: The Painted Bunting

"I've always felt I was the most brilliantly colored bird in North America, but it's an honor to be recognized by this little awards show. Really! And, I'm glad the academy could look past the fact that I'm highly territorial, often fighting other males to the death. They realize that it takes work to look this beautiful. To all my fans--you sad, little brown birds--please know how much I love you. Really! Oh, and XOXO to my agent. Really!"

And the award for best score goes to: The Wood Thrush

"Who could imagine that a little, brown bird from the backwoods could make it big like this?! Thank you so much. I have a bit of an advantage here, of course, with a song box that allows me to sing two notes at a time. Now, I hate to get political, but I ask you join me in fighting against the horrific nest parasitism of cowbirds. We must take a stand before they kill the wood thrush's beautiful song. Wait! Please don't play me off! Ooh, um, I want to thank my parents, my siblings, everyone who supported me in the meadow where I grew up...oh dear, I know I'm forgetting people! This has gone on far too long, hasn't it?" [awkwardly walks off stage]

And the award for best foreign language bird goes to: The Green Woodpecker

Subtitles: "Merci, merci. I appreciate this opportunity to inform American citizens there are so many beautiful birds with lovely songs throughout the world. Sigh, none of you can understand me anyway, you uni-lingual buffoons. Your country could only hope to attain France's culture and beauty. You gorge on trash at McDonald's parking lots while I dine on delectable French ants. I cannot believe the cattle egret chose to move here. What? Another Die Hard sequel? Send the script to my vacation home in Orange County."

And, finally, the award for best bird goes to: The Yellow-headed Blackbird

"This award has been a long time in coming, believe me. First, let me thank my sponsor, the Your Bird of the Week blog. You've always supported me, even in the face of bigger and more pretentious birds. I'd also like to thank my eight wives and 30 children (at least this season), who are back in the marsh watching this. Make daddy proud and harass a few marsh wrens before you go to bed. I'll be home in Utah to celebrate with you soon!"

Well, I'm not Hugh Jackman, but I felt like a bit of a celebrity myself last week on the Birdchick blog. So, as your Birding Oscars host, I want to thank my husband, Tim, for his willingness to pretend to be interested with this geeky avian stuff. Now, we're off to the after-parties. Good night everyone! Kiss, kiss.

Was your favorite bird totally robbed? Nominate it in comments.

Photo credits

Cattle egret: Honolulu Star Bulletin
All other photos: Wikimedia Commons


Cameron Smith said...

My favorite part of the evening was when the goshawk was given the award for playing the best gay bird and took the opportunity to promote his crazy brand of liberalism.

Jill said...

So fun! You are very creative.

Tim said...

What a great, creative post (and I'm not just saying that).

I can't help but think a bird such as the Robin may have been snubbed by the Academy because it's a bird that is actually seen and enjoyed by the masses, rather than say "The Reader" bird, which is only seen by a handful of snooty Academy voters.

At any rate, good show. I'm off to the after-parties.

Mike said...

This post is classic! Great idea, Amy.

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